Wednesday, January 14, 2009

is chivalry dead?

I love to read or watch anything Jane Austen. I appreciate her sarcasm, her wit, her intellect and think the way she captures the characters and players of that era beautifully represents a time when men came courting and chivalry reigned. Though it's not a time I'd have liked to live in, I find myself wishing in some way we could transport the values and proper dating methods into current day and implement them. Oh, the reincarnation of Mr. Darcy to teach them all? Now that would be the day!

But before you think I'm condoning betrothals and hushed women, with every report of heartache I'm feeling more and more like 2 things are missing in the dating scene these days. 1. Chivalry & 2. Patience.

I talk with a lot of women on a daily basis who "just don't know what went wrong". And though we're all beautifully and uniquely created, the same frustrating obvious answer keeps ringing true: we as women aren't being patient and are trying to run things (with God and men).

We chase, we wonder, we seek out and we drive ourselves crazy hoping and praying for some glipse of his presence through phone, text, or email. We make up stories creating false hope and make way too many excuses for the absence of the current crush. I know it, I know it. We cry ourselves to sleep and... can you imagine God the Father up in Heaven looking down on us, so brokenhearted over His girls tormenting ourselves like this?

Then there's what he did. Or didn't do. He promised and said things but nothing happened. He won't talk to me about it. He acts like everything is fine around other people but alone, he ignores me and avoids it. He doesn't show up. He says and does things that make me think he likes me and I've called and called, left messages, stopped by his place but... nothing. There's a hint of impatience again here, but maybe the Mr. Mans of modern day just don't have the cajones to be honest and upfront. Is it fear? Is it an inability or handicap? Are we facing the death of chivalry?

But I've been guilty of it too. For so many years chasing after guys, being persistant and not being patient waiting for them to pursue me, instead of the other way around. Maybe I'm a control freak and felt things wouldn't happen unless I sought it out. Maybe I didn't really understand my true value and worth. I'm a daughter of the Most High, for crying out loud! I am protected and safe, being kept for the one man God set aside just for me. And until that time, who I am to try and make it happen on my own?

DK is the most beautiful man I know. Early on I wasn't ready to date for a long time and once we started hanging out a lot as friends, I was very open and honest with him about this. I remember on Valentine's Day last year, he told me that if anything, he was very patient.

And he waited.

He pursued me gently at first and after we decided to be official, he continued to pursue me. For the first time ever I felt so valued and treasured by a guy I was dating. He took me out, he called me, he showed up, he always drove and 10 months later, he is still so intentional about taking me on dates and treating me like a lady. He's dignified and patient, intentional and purposeful. I have never wondered once how he felt about me, if he liked me or where this was going. It's how I dreamed it would be and I imagine God the Father, up in Heaven, smiling down on us pleased with the way his son values and loves his girl...


Natalie said...

Liz, this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you as always for the encouragement you bring through sharing your heart so openly here.

themanilow said...

This was wonderful..
great words Liz :)
DK is a pretty awesome duder

Vivian said...

Dear Liz ,
I have been following your blog regularly but this entry really touched me and brought me a peace that I had been needing for this particular area in my life. Thank you for helping me see what it really means for a man to pursue a woman and what a Godly relationship should look makes me see all the other situations I have had with men in the past and wonder "what was I thinking that was?". Your post really encouraged me and made me realize that while praying for everything else in life, I should pray for a mate as well..and for patience for the right one that God has ordained to be my husband to come into my life. Thanks and please keep encouraging us with your blog

Stacey said...

what a wonderful man that DK is :). oh yeah - I am halfway through Sense and Sensibility. I think I might have to buy all the other Jane Austin books. I love her too!

Lynn Valdez said...

I love it.

Yannochka said...

Oh mylanta Liz, I can't tell you how many times I have said this exact same thing to myself time and time again. It's like you went into my head and pull this out. I think you are definitely speaking for 1000's of us ladies out there.

The patience thing- oh how I know about that. Trying to be patient is not easy, for me anyway. Trusting in God is easy but its the waiting that is not.

Last Saturday I turned 35. I am still not married, no prospects on the horizon even, no kids, my younger sister is getting married in 2 months and I don't even have a date ( not that any of that defines me or that I even NEED a date to have a good time, it just would be nice ya know?).

I can't tell you how many times I've cried myself to sleep ( just a few nights ago I had "one of those nights") I KNOW God has my "Mr. Darcy" out there somewhere, and I know the waiting and "trying" to be as patient as I can will pay off. I know that God knows he desires of my heart and the kind of man I'd love to marry, but I also know that HE knows best and the man He has for me will be 100 times more better than I can even imagine.

Last month I found a book that I bet many of your readers (or listeners) would enjoy. It's call " A Man worth waiting for" by Jackie Kendall and it's all about finding your Boaz and avoiding those Bozo's! Its a good read and I learned a lot from it.

But I do want to congratulate you on finding a man like DK. He's a rare kind these days. Even though I've only met him very briefly once, he certainly sounds like a Boaz! Your Mr. Darcy! :)

Thanks for posting and sorry this was so long :)

Jana R

Andrea Himmelsehr said...

I pray for this for my daughter some day. What a lovely insight.

kiki said...

Love it! love the p&p reference and love how you hold each sex accountable. Patience and Prusuit that is the question.

Gerson Barrera said...

wow... love it. P&P is my favorite movie... and i also think we gotta learn some dating techniques from mr. darcy.

heather hub said...

I really like your blogs. I'm sure I don't tell you that enough. I'm always excited to see when you've posted a new one...or new few in a day!

drc said...

Wow! what an absolutly amazingly beautiful post!