Wednesday, July 30, 2008

a kept woman.

It's amazing what can happen in a year's time and today, I'm celebrating God's grace, His love for me, His plan and the people He placed in my life. It was one year ago today I prayerfully made a decision that would spur pain and healing, realization and growth, forgiveness and acceptance and would forever change my perception of God in my life.

You can read about it here.

Wow, this past year has been unreal... going from places of disbelief and agonizing pain... but somehow within it feeling the greatest joy I've ever known. In the depths of heartache, I found a true understanding that God is my father and He's been keeping me, protecting me, and saving me for something greater.

I think of these tough times as a fires we go through and He's in there with us (read this passage, it's so fitting!) till we get to the other side. And what do we find on the other side of this refining fire, but ourselves shining brilliantly and how we were kept, held and saved by love.

In this last year I learned the importance of letting go and letting Him work. I learned how to truly trust Him... how sweet it is to run, dance, sing and talk alone with my sweet Jesus... I learned what a treasure I truly am... that I am a daughter of the Most High. I've known these things all my life but after this experience, after mourning this face down sobbing in my pillow, after being completely hollowed out and knocked for a loop I've learned why (in the most literal sense) we are to die to ourselves completely so that HE lives within us, so that even to the tips of our fingers, He is working and moving within us. I feel it all, I feel it all...

In the midst of times like this, we have a choice. We can allow it to beat us down (and it will) stealing every joy and every bit of hope from us... or we can desperately seek His face amidst it all, we can smile, we can live the pain outloud as a testament of God's grace working in us and we can choose to believe there IS another side, that we will come out of the fire shining more brilliantly than before.

And here I am, one year later, STILL learning, of course (!!) but so full of joy, PEACE, clarity, food tastes better, I hear music louder, my broken heart is whole, the sky seems a lot more blue, and I've discovered a love in a man that is true and Christ-like. One year ago today, though I had no idea what was in store for me I truly believed this day would come :)

You're not alone.


Corrie said...

You have come thru this year shining even brighter than before, and as a faithful listener I am so happy and proud for you. You are an amazing example to young women and your testimony will continue to help those going thru the same heart ache you were feeling last year. Again, thank you for being available to us all and helping us learn as you grow.

Patty said...

Amen... Amen... And a Great Big Amen Sister....God Is Soooooo Good. He only wants the BEST for us. We just have to let HIM. I can not wait for the pics.

Maria Diane said...

WoW! Thank you. I remember a year ago when you shared your heart on the radio. I cried with you, prayed for you and hoped nothing but the best for you. A year later, I now find myself heartbroken and feeling similar things you felt last year. My head is still in that pillow and although it's over 100 degrees outside, I wonder if the sun will shine again. I'm hopeful that the storm will soon pass and I'll see a rainbow ( see my blog ). But, amist my pain, I know that my Savior has something better for me, I just have to patiently wait and listen, as you so faithfully did. Your post gives me hope. Thank you.