Thursday, July 9, 2009

so nervous I went blind.

God has a hilarious sense of humor. I'm so glad He's not mean though, cause I figure He's trying to teach me something when He so often pulls me out of my comfort zone. And my comfort zone is 100% behind the scenes, oh lordy.

I mentioned before that I very much dislike speaking in public. I get so anxious and worked up in the days leading up to an event, concert or speaking engagement and no matter now many times I've done this, I still get incredibly nervous. My hands shake, my knees go weak, my eyes dart around the room looking for any potential escape route. Once I get into my groove though, things are awesome. And afterwards, my greatest satisfaction comes from knowing I did it not for my glory, but for His. (Otherwise I beat myself up for being such a dork.)

But this morning was probably the worst ever. I was asked to represent KSBJ at a press conference held at an elementary school for the upcoming Operation Backpack - we are a media sponsor helping with the YMCA's efforts to outfit 38,000 children with back packs and school supplies this year. Nikki Sparks our Marketing Director says "Talk for 2 minutes, easy as pie." Alright, ok, I can do this.

We arrived, met amazing people and after mingling, those representing sponsors were seated behind a podium, in front of reporters and news cameras. I felt great! And all I had to remember was to follow Constable Victor Trevino. As he finished a magnificent talk, I stood and made my way to the podium. (Why on EARTH did I wear heels?!) I stood before everyone and said "Good morning!" That's when I truly cursed the decision to wear heels because the podium mic wasn't able to adjust to my great heights and I had to stand holding it. Perfect for shakey hand girl, let me tell you. After this hurdle, I began speaking but lost my train of great talking points. Scrambling to recover, I look up at the cameras and that's when it happened. My back was sweating (sorry for the TMI), my knees about to give out, searching for the simple words to promote the great efforts for kids in need and suddenly my vision blurred and then... I couldn't see.

I kept talking as my vision slightly returned. I spoke from the heart and in my head kept saying "Speak what you know, you can do this! Just get through this!" My heart was racing and I was so afraid of letting everyone down!! Eventually, somehow I wrapped it up, closed graciously and said "Thank you." And everyone clapped. I smiled huge and felt my way back to my seat. I have absolutely no idea what I'd just said.

But here's what I think, now that I've recovered. 1. We are our own worst critics. 2. Laughing at yourself is ok. 3. Moving out of your comfort zones is a great place to be because in our weakest places, God is strong. 4. Fear is not of God and you-know-who wants to use it to keep you from doing great things. 5. I always say "I'm never doing that again!" but who I am to get in the way of the big picture?

I'm laughing so hard right now, haha...


Official Fairygodmother said...

I still find it hard to believe that you're ever nervous. You always come across so calm and confident. Now if you were writing this entry about me ... it'd believe it. God has brought me so far outside of my comfort zone with Giving Gown - and it is really hard for me not to focus on how silly I think I sounded or what I forgot to talk about, etc.
Thank you for inspiring me!
Love you bunches~

Keri said...

Hello my friend!!! I feel so behind on everything after being gone 3 weeks!

I LOVED this post......may have to steal it sometime :-)
I have lived every sentence in this post.........the 5 points at the end are awesome and something I have to remember!

Pray for the boys and I today....Scot is in China and we had to put our sweet Barnes to sleep this morning. Hardest thing I've ever, ever, ever had to do!

Kristi said...

FUNNY! I'll do that for a second or two, but it usually starts with a shout of cymbals first, I guess a warning that the lights are about to go out. Thank goodness mine don't stay out for very long. But, then again I've never had an audience that large!